Tuesday, March 26, 2013

thoughts on motherhood: part one

levi eyes

let me start by stating: mothers rule.

before becoming a mother {just a little under a month ago}, i had no idea about the amount of anxiety i would experience about every. little. thing. i've spent more time googling things these past few weeks than i have in the past year. nipple confusion? acid reflux? baby poop colors, textures, and frequency? baby hiccups? baby lip quiver? when to introduce a bottle to a newborn? i'm not being dramatic. on top of the googling, i've been reading various philosophies about sleep training newborns and babies. phew.

i found myself worrying about whether or not L would have nipple confusion if we introduced a pacifier. or when we introduce the bottle, if he will like the bottle more than the breast. it all came to a head at about three weeks postpartum. i was sleep-deprived and emotionally exhausted. not only was i adjusting to this new life with our little guy, but i was spending my *spare* energy worrying about things that may or may not ever happen. in reality, L is on the fence about the pacifier, we still haven't introduced the bottle, baby hiccups are common, and his poop is normal. after an epic meltdown, i felt a weight lifted from my soul - and each day since then has been better.

L eats like a champ and latched on just after he was born, and has been consistent with eating ever since. but since i'm the only one able to feed him, means that he's attached to one of my boobies every 1-3 hours, 24 hours / day. i find myself in this strange state of exhilaration and exhaustion. i do think it's a incredible that my giant boobies have finally been put to work {and man, are they a workin'}.  i love the little grunts he makes when he eats, the way his little hand finds a place to rest hooked around my shirt, and the face he makes just after a marathon feed {i call it "milk face"}. i'm so grateful to have this experience and to bond with my little boy in this way. is it work? yes. but to me, it's worth the sometimes sore nipples and multiple sleep interruptions.

as far as the anxiety goes about doing everything "right" ... one of the best things i've read so far from the baby books? "do what feels natural". i feed L when he shows signs of hunger, without concern for whether or not it's been an hour or three since his last feed. when he's restless in his bassinet, i cuddle him in bed until he calms down and sleeps. i'm not interested in debating the hot topics {breastfeeding on demand, co-sleeping, etc.}. i'm learning to trust my instincts. i'm learning what L responds to and what he needs to feel loved and secure. after all, isn't that what it's all about?


a new momma

i know that breastfeeding is a hot button to press in the motherhood world. i would like to say that my own process has led me to have no judgement for those who have not enjoyed or been able to breastfeed. i am simply sharing my opinion about this topic -- my first and only experience with it.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

38 weeks ... and our little dude's arrival

levi blog

So, I totally expected to be one of those 41 weeks and still pregnant ladies. But our little dude had other plans! He decided to make an early appearance into the world at 38 weeks. Birthing was one of the most powerful experiences of my life, and I'm so grateful that I was supported by Hubby, my mother, our doula, and our midwife. I still get emotional thinking about how it was up to me to labor and push and finally deliver this little person into the world. Although my delivery didn't go quite as I planned, at the end of it all this tiny little perfect person was placed on my chest and the first words out of my mouth to Hubby were "he's just so beautiful".

He's two weeks old now, and I've already had a few meltdowns about how he's growing up so fast. I'm working to savor every moment I have with him, even if it's at 3am and I'm exhausted. Oh, and cluster feedings? They are no joke. Hubby has become quite the expert swaddler and diaper changer - also rocking it out at 3am. I'm impressed!

Here are a few photos from birthing day and the last two weeks that our Levi has been in the world.

38 weeks

levi mommy levi one week

two weeks