nothing to do, nowhere to be

it was our first thanksgiving hosting family at our apartment!a few years ago, my sister visited with us for thanksgiving, and instead of a turkey i made lasagna: that doesn't count. this year, i was responsible for cooking the turkey; i scoured my favorite recipes for the perfect turkey. alas: martha stewart living november 2007 delivered! i got a full turkey from trader joe's (they had a very helpful sales

associate assisting people with selecting the right pounds for the amount of people). gagging slightly, i removed the neck & the gizzards from the inside of the turkey, brined it for 24 hours, and then roasted it basting twice an hour. it turned out absolutely perfect! it did not dry out, and it was perfectly well done.

i also was in charge of the cranberry sauce and green beans. both of which were a breeze. as i was cooking (and making quite a mess) i acquired a pile of empty tin cans. so what did i do with them?

i re-purposed them to make place cards/vases. here are some photos of the table, the turkey, and the family.

(mom congratulating me on a job well done)

(getting ready to carve)

(we actually referenced how to cook everything to figure out the correct way to carve)

(centerpieces)

(place settings)

(i loved these flowers, so festive)

all in all: i am so thankful for life, for family, and for love.

everybody says time heals everything

the last two weeks have been insane.

nothing like some live music to make it better.

i've been to two amazing shows!

ray lamontagne (solo)

(imogen heap)

both were incredible performers. neither of them needed

studio enhancements to sound like perfection. just their voices.

also, imogen is really innovative with her performance style:

adding ambient effects & really sweet set design to add to the artistic experience.

ray is very awkward, but clearly a brilliant singer/songwriter.

puppalicious

today we drove to meet the breeder to

pick up the newest member of our family!

the whole trip ended up being close to 6 hours,

but it was totally worth it.

lennon curled up on my lap, and didn't budge

for the 3 hour trek back to the city.

a few photos:

now let the "parenting" begin...

grief

today was my grandfather's funeral. i am the eldest grandchild, so i was chosen to give "a granddaughter's tribute". it was probably the most difficult thing i've ever had to do. but i made it through. sharing meaningful memories to represent all of the grandchildren wasn't easy.

my grandfather was a man who loved his family: his wife, his children, their children, and his great grandchildren very much. a man who would wake up before the rest of the household and make buttered toast and hot chocolate with mini-marshmallows for the grandchildren. he taught us that the red wings were the only hockey team worth rooting for, diet coke was the only acceptable soft drink beverage, and that chocolate could cure any heartache. he'd dress up as chief woki-konza and teach us about native american culture and convinced us that we were part native (which is completely false). he wore the best smelling cologne, and when we parted after hugs, the scent was with us. he told us stories of the war, of adventures of the sea. he had a sword collection that we weren't allowed to touch without permission. his favorite music genre was german polka. he collected coins & obscure turquoise jewelry. my memories are vivid; i know that they will fade.

grief is a strange thing, patterned in waves of emotion that overwhelm and comfort.

i miss my grandfather. i miss the sound of his voice and his laugh and his smile.

dream dog

so for the past year chris & i have been talking about getting a puppy. we finally moved in to a place that allows dogs, and we just got the approval of our building manager to get one. for the last few months we've been doing extensive research on temperaments, breeding, pedigree, etc. we figure if we're going to have this dog for 10-12 years, we want to know that it's going to be the best breed for us. well, we finally decided on...a wheaten terrier. we both cannot stand having a shedding pet. wheatens are considered to be one of the best for allergies & dander control.

we've started talking to breeders, and will hopefully be adding to our family in the next couple of months.

to tide me over, i'm obsessed with scouring google for cute wheaten photos. here are my favorite images:

(the babies)

(the adults)

loss

people experience loss every day. i'm always losing my keys. usually they turn up in a couple of minutes at the bottom of the bag that i forgot i put them in. i can handle this.

loss of relationship, of people, of expectations, those are a lot more difficult for me to face. throw a combination of two of them into a 5 day frame, and you get one brutal week (and one emotionally exhausted pilar).

my grandfather died on saturday. he was an important part of my family: practically living with us for the past 7 years. i'm still in shock that i will never see him on this earth again. i know that he's no longer in pain, that he left his earth feeling loved. i've got 26 years of hilarious memories to lean on, and i find comfort in this.

i also experienced the loss of a relationship this week; a loss that i can't explain, that is out of my control. it involved a violation of trust, an intrusion into a very intimate part of my life. this loss leaves me feeling so disillusioned.

this week has also been filled with so much love and support from my closest friends and family. despite so much animosity, i am blessed to know that i am loved.